My oldest daughter, Kylie, has been talking to the counselor at her school since she has been going there. She has been talking to him a lot more this year than in the past because of my illness as well as the other problems resulting from it (i.e. finances, decreased activities, etc.). A couple of months ago, I contacted the counselor and told him I wanted to talk to him. I wanted to discuss with him what Kylie has been talking to him about as well as advice he may have for how to deal with this. Since he has been a school counselor for over 20 years, he has a lot of experience with kids and their emotions. I talked to him by myself and with Kylie in the room. It went well.
A couple of weeks later, the counselor gave Kylie a book to read in order to help her better empathize with what I'm going through. It is very difficult for a 12 year old to fully understand what a chronically ill person feels everyday. Hell, it's difficult for most adults to fully understand. The name of the book is "If I could be sick for you for Just One Day" by Kathy Cramer. It is a short, picture book so I have copied it at the end of this post.
When I first read the book it brought me to tears. Kylie said that she had read it with the school counselor. However, she didn't discuss it with me at all.
Now, back to a couple of days ago. I had been in bed all day due to the pain and weakness I discussed in the previous post after my weekend away. That night, after my 4 year-old had gone to bed, Kylie came into my room crying. I don't just mean a few tears. She was sobbing. She immediately laid down next to me and started crying on my shoulder. For the first few minutes I couldn't even get her to calm down enough to tell me what was wrong. When she finally took a breath long enough to answer me when I asked her what was wrong, she tossed the above mentioned book towards me and said "I just read this." She cried and cried for about 20 minutes. I couldn't get her to calm down. All I could do was comfort her, tell I am sorry, and that everything will work out.
This is the first time she's done this. She has talked to myself and my husband about it a lot, but I have never seen her break down like that. The one year "anniversary" of me being sick has obviously gotten to her also. When she was crying, she mentioned that it's been over a year, I'm supposed to be getting better but I seem to be getting worse.
It took everything I had in me to keep from crying with her. I just hate that it's because of me that she was so upset. I know I am not doing it on purpose and I can't change anything. Unfortunately that doesn't make me feel any better. I love my family so much and I can't stand that they have to deal with all of this. It's one thing that I have to, but I wish it wasn't affecting them so much.