So, why is it that a complete stranger can donate $200 while my "friends" can't donate $5? Why is it that a complete stranger takes more time to ask how I'm doing, what our financial situation is, and how my kids are doing than most of the people I know?
I guess the only difference is that those people don't know me. That's the only thing I can tell. I must not, therefore, be as good of a person as I had previously thought I was. It must be a personal thing. What else could it be? Why else would someone who doesn't know me go out of their way to help but people who do know me could care less?
The only other thing I can think of is that people in this world SUCK! I expect people to be kind and giving and loving and caring. However, I obviously expect too much.
Regardless... I am going to continue to be kind and giving and loving and caring to those who are the same to me. Should I be the "bigger person" and act that way toward everyone regardless of how they treat me. I guess so. But that's not how I roll. If you are there for me, especially during the important times in my life (good or bad) then I will do anything for you. I am NOT, however, one of those people who can love and care for someone, give them pieces of myself, and open myself up to them to only have them not return the feelings. After everything this disease has taken out of me, I don't have enough pieces of myself left to give them out freely to people who don't return it.
Last Saturday, at the walk, I had a smile on my face just about the entire time. There are lots of reasons for that but I'll just discuss one right now because it's fitting. I absolutely LOVED being around other people who are dealing with Mitochondrial Disease in one way or another (suffering from it themselves or caring for a family member suffering from it). I was not alone. In fact, far from it. It wasn't just being around others with chronic illness. These people know almost exactly what I'm going through and vice versa. Considering the fact that the large majority of people in my life do not know what I go through on a daily basis or how I feel when I'm real sick, it's so nice to be around people who do.
Because of the walk I have met a lot of great people in the mito community. One of the people I met is the mother of an adorable little boy who has mito. We have been facebook friends for awhile but never really talked or met in person. I invited her to the fundraiser party 3 weeks prior to the walk and, to my surprise, she came and even brought her son. I was so thrilled to finally be able to meet her and her son.
With us being facebook friends, she saw that I was in the hospital a week before the walk. On the day of, her and her family/team stopped to talk to me and introduce me to her husband. Once again, so glad she did. Partly through the walk I was told that there was a family stopped on the side of the walk route. I went to check it out and make sure everyone was okay when I saw that it was her. She let me know that they were just stopping to check on her son. She then informed me that she was worried about me being at the walk. She said she couldn't believe I was there and doing everything I was doing with the fact that I had just gotten out of the hospital a week prior. SHE was worried about ME! Really? Even my own friends and family were not worried about me (except for my parents and husband... that's almost always a given when I'm talking about family & friends who don't do this, that, or the other). It really touched my heart to hear that she was concerned about me, what I was doing, and that it was going to make me really sick again and/or put me back in the hospital.
I have come to the conclusion that I need to try to get together with the "mito community" more often. I think I will be reaching out to others to see if they want to meet more often than once a year at the Energy for Life walk. It just seems as though they would understand and be more sympathetic to my situation and how sick I am. Obviously having "well" friends does not work well for me. (ha! no pun intended... it just came out that way.)
We will just have to see what the next few weeks/months brings. Will I move on like I've been wanting to do for awhile now and try to find/make new friends... friends who understand me? Or will I dwell on the past and continue to put up with friends who clearly don't have room for me in their thoughts, hearts, and lives?