Saturday, June 5, 2010

Too busy

I have determined that there are just too many things going on for me to be sick. I just don't have time for this.

When this all started as a headache last summer I never thought it would turn into an illness that keeps me from working, raising my kids, being a good wife, etc. When I went on medical leave in December, I thought "I'll just get this headache figured out over the next month while I'm off work, fix it, and get back." When I had excruciating headaches everyday that kept me from taking care of my kids, I thought "this is still only temporary, they can be without an active mom for a short time."

Now, six months later (from the time that I got really sick), I am still not working and barely taking care of my kids. I try my best to go to as many activities as I can for my 11 year old (soccer, softball, etc). I try to read to, play with, and put my 3 year old to bed when I can. It's just still not enough. I need to be able to do more. There's just something everyday that I want to do but can't. I feel like I'm letting my girls down. Kylie, my 11 year old, seems to be let down almost daily because of my inability to do certain things with/for her. My 3 year old, Danica, of course doesn't show it as openly, but I can see it in other ways. We can't discipline her as well as I would like because I'm just able to help as much. She's still struggling with having accidents from time to time and she'll be 4 in July. I think it's because of the lack of attention she's been getting for the last 6 months.

My husband is awesome. He does the best he can. But he is taking care of both the girls and me, most of the time. In addition to that, he's trying to find a job while also working at a family member's rental house renovating it.

I just struggle with guilt everyday for not being there for my kids and not being able to work to help support our family. The kid issue taking precedence.

This all comes up today because I have kept very busy the last couple of days trying to get a few things done around the house so my husband doesn't have to do all of it. In addition to that, Kylie's home from school now. Between the softball games and everything else she wants to do (that I don't want to miss), I just can't do it all. Hell, I can barely do one load of laundry without it making my hips hurt the next day.


Brian Baxter said...

Robin when you have a chance can you let me know if within the year before you got sick if you were taking any kind of medication. If not did you have a flu or anything?

I feel for you. My apartment is a mess. I think if the landlord came in I would be asked to leave. The person I live with doesn't clean really. He works a lot though. I don't know I just feel so stuck sometimes. I completely get what you are going through. I can only imagine having kids how hard it would be.

Robin said...

I just saw your comment, Brian. For some reason I didn't get an email when you left it. I'm still getting used to the whole blog thing.

To answer your question.. The only meds I was taking were birth control (which I'm sure you aren't on) and Zoloft, an SSRI. I had a bad cold in Oct of '09 which some of my family and docs have tried to blame my POTS on. However, my headaches, a huge symptom of mine, started in Aug.

Hopefully your roommate understands what you're going through right now and why you can't clean the apartment as well. If it wasn't for my guilty conscience and my clean freak personality I wouldn't need to do anything. My husband almost gets mad at me for doing stuff around the house. I just can't stand watching him run around like a chicken with his head cut off trying to do it all while I lay on the couch.

Unknown said...

Robin I am just curious what meds you are on now. And what have you tried that has not worked? Has anything helped? I went through similiar complaints though not as extreme. Mine all relating to hormones. Do you have some days that are better than others?

Robin said...

I am currently on...

Midodrine - a vasopressor - increases my blood pressure by constricting my blood vessels

Metoprolol - a beta blocker - decreases my heart rate

Topamax - prevents headaches/migraines

Neurontin - Helps with my headaches

Zoloft - SSRI - antidepressant (supposed to help with POTS, but I'm also on it for the main

Now to answer your other questions. I have only been on those medications. However, I was originally on Midodrine only. That didn't work. Then I was on Metoprolol only. That worked a little better. When I went to Mayo, the doctor there put me on both. That seems to be helping the most.

Unfortunately, the only thing the meds do is cover up some of the symptoms; primarily the dizziness and tachycardia. They do NOT help me get better. There are not any meds for POTS to help you get better.

I do have some days that are better than others. My problem is as soon as I have a tiny bit of energy or I feel even a little bit better, I will get up and do things. Then the next day I won't be able to move off of the couch.

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