Roller Coasters

        

Anyone who knows me knows that I love anything that gets my adrenaline going.  I have been skydiving.  I love fast cars and motorcycles.  I love taking care of trauma patients in the ER.  And I absolutely love roller coasters.

However, this roller coaster I'm on right now, I'm not such a big fan.  A couple of weeks ago if you asked me how I had been feeling recently, I would've said "pretty good, actually."  My pain was under control, my energy levels were up (at least enough to at least somewhat enjoy my day), and my muscle weakness seemed to be getting better.  I was hardly using my wheelchair around the house.  There were days that I would realize at 7 o'clock at night that I hadn't taken any pain meds that day.  I thought, "I might actually be on the upswing!"  I, unfortunately, got my hopes up.

So, like any roller coaster, what goes up, must go down.  That's normally the part I love.  Yeah... not so much anymore.  For the last week and a half I have felt Awful (yes, with a capital "A").  I have been using my wheelchair all the time, if I even have the energy to get out of bed in the first place.  My GI system is running amok.  I have had a killer migraine today.  Luckily my migraine medicine helped it, but now every muscle in my body hurts worse than in a long time.  My muscles are so weak that I was struggling to walk last night.  I was back to holding on to walls as I walked because of the fear of falling and/or my legs giving out any second.  The only reason I have the energy to type this is because the only thing that's moving is my fingers as my arms are completely propped up by pillows.

What is up with this roller coaster crap?  I am so thankful for the couple of weeks in which I felt better.  However, I got my hopes up.  It's almost like it makes it harder that I'm feeling bad now.

Two weeks ago, this was me.

Now this is me...
but it's not near as much fun as the real thing.

Then again, this might be  more like it.

                                           

It's a mito day/week

I was going to post over a week ago about how much better I've been feeling.  Now, I'm not one to believe in superstitions.  If I would've posted that I would've thought I jinxed myself.  However, I didn't post it.  So I guess that's not the reason why I feel so awful today.

Last weekend I enjoyed a couple of days at the lake with my family.  I have not been able to recover since.  Unfortunately, in fact, I've been getting worse every day since then.  Granted, I have not been laying down all day everyday.  I've still been pushing through it.  Evidently that isn't working for me.  So, today and tomorrow are complete bed rest days.  I guess if that's what it takes to get me back on my feet again.

Singing... "It's a mito day in the neighborhood, a mito day to lay in bed.  Would you be mine?  Won't you be mine?  Won't you be my bed rest buddy?"

New hobbies/ways to keep me out of trouble

I have recently been getting bored with the facebook games I play, watching tv, and reading (more so than normal).  Soooooo... I have been considering and/or starting new hobbies.  My 5 y/o is growing her bangs out so she's wearing bows in her hair a lot right now.  However, many days she does not come home with the bow she was wearing when she was dropped off at school.  Therefore, I decided to make some of my own.

So here's my new project (which I am considering turning into something more)...

The picture really doesn't do them any justice.  These are the first few bows that I made.  Considering that, I thought they looked pretty good.

Hiding

There have been a number of incidents recently that have led me to write this post.  This is, however, directed at everyone.

I am SO sick and tired of people hiding behind their electronics.  Now, don't get me wrong, I've been guilty of it myself a time or two.  However, I am definitely a proponent of talking.  NOT emailing.  NOT texting.  NOT Facebook messaging/commenting/chatting.  NOT commenting on blogs (especially anonymously).  If you have a problem with me, call me.  If you have something you want to talk to me about, stop by.  If you want to tell me my new haircut isn't the right style for me, do it!  Don't talk behind my back.  Don't say stuff to me via email, facebook, blog comments, text, etc. unless you are able to also say it to my face.  Or, unless you are able to listen to what I have to say in return, but via talking, not typing.  What happened to TALKING to people???  I'm not that old, but I still remember the days in which we had no other choice but to talk to people.

I don't care if it will hurt my feelings.  I hate it so much more when people hide behind their electronics because they are too chicken shit to say it to me personally.  Grow up, people!

I am going to take a break from Facebook for awhile.  The only reason I plan on even logging in is because I use it as a support group.   With so few people in this country with mito, we have to have an online support group instead of one face to face.  Something I wish I could change.  It just doesn't help near as much.  Anyway, I'm getting off topic.  For some reason things that get said on there frequently get taken the wrong way.  Or, "defriending" someone on facebook is evidently the same as telling someone to their face that you no longer want to be their friend or speak to them again. (It's not that dramatic to me.) However, when any of those situations arise, instead of calling me or coming over to discuss it, the worst is assumed and left at that.

From now on, if you would like to talk to me about something more serious than the weather or what you had for lunch, call me.  If you don't know my number, feel free to email me to ask me what it is so you can then call me.  Or, for that matter, try the phone book; we're still in it considering that we have a land line.  If I supposedly say or do something to hurt, bother, annoy, or otherwise upset you in any way, call me to discuss.  You never know, maybe I had ZERO intentions of doing so considering the fact that I do not ever plan on intentionally hurting anyone.  If I took you off of my friends list on Facebook and you would like to know why (instead of assuming you know), call me!  I'm happy to discuss it with you over the phone or face to face.   If I said something on my blog that you disagree with, want to hear more about, or you just plain want to yell at me about, please... please call me.

I have a whole hell of a lot of people who have talked behind my back, disrespected me, thought that I was lying, judged me, or just stopped talking to me all together with zero explanation in the last 2 years.  I am SICK of it!!!  Everybody just needs to grow some freaking balls and talk to me.  Talking behind my back?  Say it to my face instead.  Think I'm lying?  Ask me.  I'll tell you the truth; even though I probably was in the first place.  Don't want to be my friend or talk to me anymore?  Call me to tell me that and tell me why. If you were actually my friend in the first place, then you owe me that.  Judging me or disrespecting me???  Go take a long walk off a short cliff. (I just edited that from what I really said.  Think four letting word followed by "off")

If you can't talk to me via phone or face to face about anything you can say via facebook, email, texting, blog comments, or pigeon carrier, then I do not need you in my life.

Why?

Why do I continue to get upset about things that I should be over by now?  It just takes me way too long to get over stuff.

The main thing I'm talking about is that I found out people I thought were my friends aren't.  I have posted about this in the past and for whatever reason it still bothers me when it is brought up again.  I had quite a few "friends" that were my co-workers before I had to stop working.  I cared about these people.  I thought they cared about me.  I did things for them, attended weddings, showers (baby and wedding), gave gifts, etc.  I found out shortly after I left that they really didn't give a shit about me.  Some of them I never heard from again.

For whatever reason, I am still surprised by their lack of heart.  I just don't know why.  I am doing everything I can to help raise money and get walkers for the upcoming umdf energy for life walk.  One of my good friends still works there.  She put up a flyer and is asking for donations.  However, no one is interested.  A couple of people have said they'll walk, but not donate.  I'm not holding my breath.

I just don't get it.  If someone I was friends with at one time went from being an active runner and nurse to having to use a wheelchair to get around, I would be there for them.  Bare minimum, I would at least try to help out with fundraising, etc.  Not a single soul helped with my fundraiser to help pay for my electric wheelchair.  And in that situation there was multiple things that people could do.  They could donate $5, donate baked goods, donate stuff to sell in the garage sale, or come help with the sale for an hour.  Even though these people that spent so much time with me, at work and outside of work, knew that I was trying to raise money for a freaking wheelchair, they didn't lift a finger.

You know, at this point in time, the problem is not that they continue to act like they could give a rats ass.  It's that I actually care.  Why in the hell must it still bother me?  Maybe because I worked so much that they were my family for 3+ years.  Then when I need them, nothing.  That could be it.  But then again, I quit working a year and a half ago.  Why does it still get to me?  My head tells me to move on; that I shouldn't give a shit anymore.  My head tells me that it's not worth getting upset over.  Unfortunately, that's easier said than done.  I don't know how to make my heart do what my head is telling it to.

Then again, my ex-coworkers aren't the only people who have proven to me how much they don't care.  There have been people from all areas of my life who have shown me just how much they really give a shit (not at all, in case you haven't guessed).  Friends and family are both in that list.

If anyone can tell me why I still give a shit, or how I can stop giving a shit about people who obviously don't, please let me know.

By the way... terribly sorry, not all of my posts look on the bright side of things.