Sunday, June 19, 2011

UMDF Symposium and other excitement

Well, I've made it to Chicago and back.  My husband, mom, oldest daughter and I all drove to Chicago on Thursday for the UMDF annual symposium.  We returned today, Sunday.  It was an excellent trip.  We all had a great time.

However, I am exhausted.  Not only was it a busy couple of days at the symposium but we also had a little excitement on the way home.  There was a car accident right in front of us on the highway.  Someone pulled a high speed u-turn from one side of the highway to the other right in front of another car.  She had to quickly swerve to avoid hitting them, which put her and her boyfriend's car in a deep ditch at highway speeds.

Well, obviously I couldn't just let my mom keep driving, (not that she would have anyway) not knowing if they needed help or not.  There were others that stopped to help, but I thought my emergency room nurse experience might come in handy. So, I stayed there on the roadside, helping them both until the medics got there.  I was glad I did.  I think I was able to help.

After being on the side of the road, getting up and down to check on both people in the 90 degree heat, I am going to need quite awhile to recover.  That alone probably would have done me in for a few days.  However, I was already struggling to get around after the symposium.  BUT... it was all well worth it.

First of all, the symposium was awesome.  It was so great to learn new things about my disease, but it was even better to get to talk to people going through the same thing.  I have talked to a few people with mitochondrial disease online, but there's nothing like talking to people face to face who are going through, and have gone through, the things that I have.

There is also nothing else like knowing I was able to help someone.  I absolutely loved my job.  I loved being a nurse.  I loved being an ER nurse.  And I loved it because I loved helping people.  I took pleasure everyday in knowing I was able to help someone, even if only in a small way.  I don't know how much I was able to help the two people in the accident today with my nursing knowledge, but I know I was able to at least help in little ways.  Such as calming her down, convincing her to go to the hospital, and reassuring her that her and her boyfriend were going to be okay.

After feeling so useless for so long, I don't care how shitty I'm going to feel for the next week.  My heart and my head feel wonderful knowing that I did something good today.

Thursday, June 9, 2011

I think I need a break...

...from people. People have really been getting on my nerves recently. Nobody in particular. Well, I have a list of people who annoy me more than others. But that list has been longer recently.

You know... It's funny, because I just posted yesterday about priorities, how to live your life, etc. Now, today, I'm finding myself pissed off a lot. Actually, it's more like somewhere between annoyed and pissed off. That's not how I want to live my life. That's not what I would want to put in my guide. It would be something more like "don't sweat the small stuff" and other overly used cliches.

I do try my best to not get pissed off about the little, "no biggie", things. For some reason, however, I haven't had as much control over it recently.

I was in tears yesterday because of something a friend told me that I took way too personally. I was overly pissed today because someone didn't do what they said they were going to, or tell me they couldn't. It wasn't even anything important. I was terribly on edge when I was being pushed around a store in my wheelchair by daughter today. (I'm a bit of a control freak. I can't WAIT to get my electric wheelchair!)

Funny thing is, my 12 year old daughter, who talks non-stop didn't put me on edge near as much as normal. Seriously, she talks non-stop. I can just sit here, smile, and nod without responding any other way and she could carry on a 10 minute, or more, conversation with me. Of course, my 4 year old has her beat. She could probably go on for 30 minutes or more if we let her. Sometimes it's enough to drive the most patient person nuts. And that is NOT me!

Amazingly enough, they weren't bothering me near as much as the adults recently.

So, I'm thinking, I need to become a recluse for awhile. Just call me Nell.


Wednesday, June 8, 2011

How to live your life, a guide.

I had a rough day today.  I generally do the day after I over-do it.  I have felt bad both physically and emotionally.  Of course, I tend to get emotional when I feel physically bad.  Things just upset me easier, as you can imagine.

This evening, I was laying in bed, as I have been all day, and my husband came in and laid down next to me.  I thought maybe he needed to talk to me about something because he doesn't usually slow down long enough to lay with me just to chat or spend time with me.  However, I learned, over the course of the next hour, that that's exactly what he was doing.  We looked at videos on YouTube, talked about our day, and he listened to me vent about things that are bothering me.

When he got up, he said "There's not enough time in the day.  I had so many things I wanted to get done tonight."  He then proceeded to name 3 or 4 things off that he had planned on working on around the house this evening.  That is when I told him that he did something WAY more important than any of those things... he spent time with his wife.  He said, "I know," and gave me a big smile.  

I then had an impromptu chat with him about what we will remember about our lives when we're 80.  Will he think back to our 30's and think "I didn't spend enough time getting things done around the house" if he spent time with me tonight?  Or will he think "I didn't spend enough time with my wife" if he spent time cleaning the garage, mowing the yard, and getting a load of laundry done tonight?  I just reminded him, and myself, what is more important in life.  

Now that I know what is wrong with me and I am getting a monthly disability check, two things that consumed our minds and lives for the last year and a half, we need to re-evaluate what is important in our lives.