Coincidence

FYI - This post was typed on Sunday, March 17th. I just forgot to hit the "publish" button.  I wonder where my brain goes sometimes.  Because if it goes somewhere nice when it's on vacation like that, then I want to go too!
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Last night I posted a status on Facebook, "Not in a good place."  Interestingly enough, I posted that after an evening watching the KU/KSU college basketball Big 12 Championship game with my husband and a couple of good friends.  We had the typical "watching basketball" junk food for dinner, watched the game, talked, and laughed.  We had a good time.  It was beyond much needed time with friends.

So, why is it, you ask, that shortly after they left and my husband went to bed I was already "not in a good place"?  That's hard to explain.  I suppose that after being/feeling SO alone for the last two weeks; feeling such a lack of support and comfort from loved ones, that a couple of hours of shooting the shit with friends while watching college hoops just didn't cut it.  I guess I knew that after a very short time with friends, I was already right back where I was... alone/lonely.  Even with people around you, a person can still feel alone.  That is where I am right now.  I could be in a room full of people right now and still feel like I'm going through the trials and tribulations of my illness alone.

Many times as I've felt this way, and discussed it on my blog, I have felt the judging of others.  Many people have acted as though I'm overreacting to my need for support.  Why can't I just know that people love me and be okay with that? Why do I need the support of my family and friends so often?  Other people don't need their family and friends around as often as I do.  Other people don't bitch and moan if their friends don't call them to see how they're doing.  Well, "other people" also don't deal with being sick all the time.  "They" don't have the physical and emotional stress of a debilitating, progressive, chronic illness.  So if you are one of those people who judge me for discussing/complaining about the lack of support I receive, please continue reading and watch the video on the link below.

Now for the coincidence... After having a horribly emotional night (bringing me back to my depression days in high school), I woke up this morning and saw this news story on CBS Sunday Morning.  The title is "Friendship: Close ties that enhance and extend life."  It discusses how healing friendships and supportive relationships are.  They talk about 2 studies that were done about friendship and the results were astounding in both.... especially the one using a MRI (I suppose that one stands out to me more since  I have such a scientific mind and there is an actual scientific/medical study that shows the obvious results).

What a validation that was!  So, PLEASE watch the video below, especially those of you (I can't mention names since many of you hide behind "anonymous" when commenting) who don't believe that I need to hear from my friends/family or see them... that I should just know that they love me.  Those of you who believe I don't need people around me on a regular basis to help me heal and feel better.  Just read the title itself - "close ties that enhance and extend life."  Everyone needs that, but someone with a debilitating illness needs it even more.  I don't know which one I need more... for my life to be enhanced or extended.

This is the quote from the news story that I appreciate the most - "The burden of coping with life's many stresses, when you have to deal with them all by yourself, it not only feels more exhausting, it literally creates more wear on your body," said James Coan, associate professor of clinical psychology at the University of Virginia.    

So, basically, the physical stress that my body is going through when I'm sick from an exacerbation of my mitochondrial disease is huge. The mental stress of being sick all the time also has a huge affect on me.  Then, there's all of the other stressors that I deal with just like everyone else in this world.  In addition to that, going through all of it alone makes it so much worse.  When dealing with the stress of being really sick from mitochondrial disease for two weeks, with no one but my daughters and my husband (who's in and out and running around like crazy) around, my ability to deal with it all decreases drastically.  According to the professor from UVA, being alone actually creates more wear on my body.  I can definitely see that happening with me.  The longer I'm sick without the support of others, the harder it is to handle.  I start getting irritable, depressed, angry, etc.  When I lay in bed, day after day, unable to move from weakness, unable to eat or drink from nausea/vomiting, and unable to tolerate the pain anymore, all the while knowing that people are well aware that I'm sick and taking care of my kids on my own but still not there for me, I very quickly fall into depression and anger.  Wouldn't you? When, according to the news story (and the same thing I've been trying to say all along) just having a friend or someone else who cares about me in the same room with me would drastically change how well I could cope with my illness.  It could even make me feel better sooner.  Just by having someone I care about in the same room with me.  Amazing!  Too bad it's not as easy as it sounds.  I can't force people to "take care" of me.

Video -  "CBS Sunday Morning - Friendship: Close ties that enhance and extend life"