Tuesday, September 13, 2011

In response to a comment, and more.

I want to respond to a comment left by an anonymous person on my last post.  However, I felt it important enough to put it in a post and not a follow up comment.

I have copied and pasted the comment here so you won't have to go back to look at it....

Anonymous said...

Is there a support group that you can join? Also, is there any volunteer organization that you could get involved with that could help you refocus some of the energy that you do have?

I think in terms of your disapointment with people you sound like you could benefit from a support group/therapist and that is probably some of what you are trying to do with your blog but perhaps it is time to accept that the people who are disappointing you are not going to change but you can change and stop choosing to be disappointed by them.

Doesn't sound like you are in a great spot and I don't envy your position.

As my last few posts have pointed out, I am having problems dealing with people recently.  I have felt let down over and over again in the last couple of years since I started getting sick.

I want to explain a few things about me. I am a people person. In addition to that,  I am a very independent person. You wouldn't think so based on the person I am now and the things I write on here, but deep down inside, I am.  Both of those qualities have made all of this so difficult on me.

I do agree with you, anonymous, that I need to quit trying to change everyone else and instead change myself.  I do need to learn to stop being disappointed by people who continue to disappoint me over and over again.  Unfortunately, that's easier said that done.  Yes, I could go see a therapist. (Actually, I have been kind of looking for a good one recently.)  There aren't any mito support groups in town since it's such a rare disease.  I am, however, starting a class in a couple of weeks titled "Living Well with a Disability".

However, I am reminded almost everyday how much people let me down.  Here's why.  As an independent person, I never had to ask for help before.  Even if I needed it, I found a way to take care of it on my own.  Now, whether I want to or not, I cannot take care of much of anything on my own, including myself.  I can't take care of my kids, myself, my patients (which I don't have anymore, but you get my point), my house, or my husband.  I am so independent, I can't stand asking for help.  BUT... I desperately need it.  I need it everyday.  Therefore, everyday, when I need help, and don't get it, I am reminded of the people who have let me down over the last couple of years.

As I said, I am a people person.  I am reminded everyday of all of the friends I have lost and the friends and family who are too busy to visit as I sit in my house everyday, alone and lonely.  I can't get out and do things because I only have enough energy to take care of my kids for 2 hours after school, and help with stuff in the evenings (bath, etc.).

I am trying.  I do try to stay positive.  Obviously it's not working.  However, I am successful in keeping myself from getting really down/depressed about the situation I'm in.  There are many days that all I want to do is lay in bed and feel sorry for myself all day.  There are many times that I just want to cry and cry.  However, I have not been doing either.  I get up everyday and take care of myself and my kids when they get home from school, no matter how awful I feel, physically or mentally.  No matter how nauseous, in pain, weak, or tired I am, I still get up and around and take care of myself and my kids everyday.  So, with the amount of mental energy it takes for me to just get through my day while feeling horrible, physically and sometimes mentally, I don't have a lot left over to be overly positive about things I just don't feel very positive about.

Thank you, anonymous, for reading my blog and leaving your comment.  I appreciate every point of view and side of the story.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I'm glad you took my comments to heart. It sounds like you are grieving the loss of your old life and your independence and that is why I suggest therapy/support group.

Going through such major life changes and losses it is not surprising that you are having these feelings but it sounds like you have reached a point where you could really benefit from some professional help on how to handle the grief.

I hope you are able to find someone helpful. Perhaps your primary care doctor works with a therapist that specializes in grief and/or chronic illness that they could refer you to.